Everybody Hates Tiger (at Esquire at least)

Don't read the April '09 issue of Esquire magazine if you're unabashed fan of Tiger Woods'.
It might unnerve you, to say the least.






Esquire/Getty Images

In anticipation of Woods' return to golf following his knee surgery hiatus, Esquire commissioned four of its top contributors to weigh in on what Tiger's domination of the sport means to them.
Shockingly, their respective essays ranged from disrespectful to spiteful to overtly insulting. The sense you could get after reading them collectively is that Tiger's a self-absorbed prick destined to die alone and unloved with his fortune and records.
In one wordy, derisive sentence, Tom Chiarella states that Woods will likely wind up, "like that old PGA guard - dried-up, irrelavant dicks..."
Scott Raab follows that up by typifying Woods as being "another cruel, lonesome bastard", "one crabby son of a bitch" and "so at ease with being hated".
Wasting no time in his essay, Chris Jones writes, "the thought of his Chiclets reflected in another shining trophy makes me want to punch a hole in the moon".
In the final (one-sided) volley of words, Charles P. Pierce pulls the proverbial punch: he abstains from attacking Woods directly, but compares his late, doting father Earl to a con man who foisted "unmitigated rot" on the media about his son's unlimited potential.
In all, it's surprisingly harsh reading. Woods' fans and detractors alike should wonder about the motives for these screeds.

Too Sexy for the Course?

They say it only takes that one good golf shot to keep you coming back for more.
If that's true, couldn't plunking every ball in your bag keep you from returning for a shot of this...?







Or this...










Through the (ahem) magic of Facebook, I just got acquainted with the revamped approach to golf attire that Seattle-based MiC Sport is trying to wedge into the game.
It's such a new enterprise that ordering information for the teed up print mini-skirts, body-skimming rain slickers and cropped pants isn't readily available yet on MiC's site.
The best promo material I could find reads:
"MiC offers a full line of women's golf apparel including pants, shorts, skirts, skorts, shirts, knit ensembles, visors, and hats that have a unique flair, envisioned and designed by a talented creative designer, Melba Lee, with years of experience in the upscale couture..."
But the buzz the looks are generating already are worthy of yelling "Fore!"
They might be whizzing your way sooner than you think.
And that wouldn't be a bad thing. Would it?

Tom Brokaw On The Masters: Race Matters

First, the good news. The bad news can wait...
You can pick up the unassuming-looking April issue of Golf Digest now on newsstands and read how veteran newscaster Tom Brokaw did his journalistic duty to enlighten humanity, and may have squandered his opportunity for "honorary guest" status at Augusta National Golf Club at the same time.



Golf Digest invited Brokaw along as a "guest" at last year's Masters Tournament and the magazine prints his open letter to Augusta Chairman Billy Payne in its (thin) Masters preview. While making it ultimately clear how much he'd relish returning to Augusta National if invited back, Brokaw compares the exclusive club in northeast Georgia to a "pop-up principality" where the outside world's current customs don't apply.

Brokaw made it a point to get acquainted with some of the few black patrons you'll see at the Masters, and came away with this impression: "(They're) disappointed there are not more blacks in professional golf."



He also writes a gripping depiction of a 6-year-old black boy, Carrington Osborne, and his father, Marvin, from Chattanooga, watching Tiger Woods tee off on the first tee on Sunday with a reverence usually reserved for church.



Brokaw's "First Impressions" essay likely won't change a thing about the "pace of play" at Augusta National, but it was encouraging to have a brighter light shed on "Amen Corner" just the same...

...And now, the bad news: Any fans of Travel + Leisure Golf magazine out there need to find some other golf news source to subscribe to. News just broke that T+L Golf is folding under economic pressure. Ironically, the cover feature for its final issue was titled "The 18 essential experiences of the fully realized golf life". Apparently, remaining viable in a troubled marketplace wasn't one of them.






Photo: jeff panis

Re-Heating Fuzzy's Fried Chicken Fiasco

Here we are, a month out from the 2009 Master's Tournament, and Golf Magazine decides to raise the murky issue of race that, sadly, lingers like morning fog over the Augusta National Golf Club.



The new "Golf" spotlights Fuzzy Zoeller, the 1979 Masters champ and the presumed "starter" for this year's tourney, in a two-page feature that ultimately begs the climatic question: Does Fuzzy regret the "fried chicken" slur he slung Tiger Woods' way back in '97?

You'll recall that after Woods won the Masters in '97, earning him the honor of dictating the next year's Champions Dinner menu, Zoeller quipped in a flippant fashion that Tiger might serve his guests yard bird. It touched off a furor that apparently hasn't died.

In the heat of it all, Tiger kept a cool head and accepted an awkward apology from Zoeller regarding the comments. But Zoeller was so offended by one Augusta Chronicle columnist's spoof on his own insensitive choice of words that filed a lawsuit.

Zoeller and Woods on Augusta National's fourth tee during the '98 Masters

When Golf asked Zoeller if he'd take back the fried chicken remark now, if he had the chance, Fuzzy confessed: "No _ That's done and gone. It was blown well out of proportion; but it's over with. Life is not always going to be perfect."
Do you agree that Golf magazine's picking at the scab of an old wound? Aren't we just forgetting the sting of that callous "lynching" comment that Kelly Tilghman made about competitors' options for caging Tiger last year?

Maybe time stands still even as Tiger's thundering galleries march forward. The game, after all, is so firmly packaged around him that the exact same image of Woods driving with a pained grimace at the '08 U.S. Open graces both the cover of April's Golf mag as well as the annual Athlon Sports golf issue on newsstands now.


Fried Chicken Photo: MarylandRoute5